The Morning Briefing: Joe Biden and the Wawa Cannibals—An American Tragedy

News & Politics

Top O’ the Briefing

Happy Friday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. The Sine Qua Non Sequitur is taking a long weekend to go frog-spying in the Outer Hebrides. 

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Seriously, I don’t get how people can look at the Joe Biden who shows up in public these days and say, “Yeah, he’s still got it.”

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I know that what they’re really thinking is, “I can’t believe we’re stuck with this drooling imbecile.” They won’t consider voting for anyone else, of course. They’re Democrats — free thinking is programmed out of them at an early age. They end up developing almost superhuman powers of denial after a long enough time. 

We’ve discussed Biden’s accelerated decline a lot lately. Now it seems as if he gets worse with each public appearance. The titular head of the United States of America has had a doozie of a week. If this guy was your neighbor you’d forever be calling the cops to do wellness checks on him. 

Joey Scranton headed back to his hometown and gave a speech that — in classic Biden fashion — had only a tenuous connection to reality. This is from Rick:

On Wednesday, Biden claimed that his uncle Ambrose Finnegan crashed on an island in New Guinea and was eaten by cannibals.

“He got shot down in an area where there were a lot of cannibals at the time,” Biden initially told reporters. He was visiting a war memorial in his hometown of Scranton, Pa., that bears his uncle’s name.

“They never recovered his body, but the government went back when I went down there and they checked and found some parts of the plane.”

It’s a good story. Too bad it’s not even close to the truth.

As Rick goes on to detail in the post, the Pentagon’s official version of what happened greatly differs from that of the Commander-in-Chief. 

One of the most galling results of the mainstream media’s dereliction of duty is that every syllable that Donald Trump utters is fact-checked seven or eight thousand times, while Biden is given carte blanche to keep repeating stories that are truth-free garbage. They don’t even call him on his oft-recited lie that his son Beau was a casualty of war. This isn’t merely an elderly man’s confusion about a date or a place; either he’s so addled that he truly doesn’t remember where and how his son died, or he knows he’s deliberately lying. 

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Neither is a good look for an American president. 

Nearly every personal anecdote that Biden shares in public is laden with misstatements of facts, or completely devoid of the truth, yet the MSM can’t seem to find the time to report on it. 

The most embarrassing Biden moment of the week happened yesterday when his handlers decided to let him off-leash in a convenience store for a photo-op, which Matt wrote about:

Naturally, the Biden campaign had to respond so they sent him to a Wawa in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, with Mayor Cherelle Parker. According to a report from CBS News, “Biden ordered a classic-size Italian hoagie with American cheese and a black-white milkshake from the Delaware County-based convenience store that recently celebrated its 60th anniversary.”

Because, you know, he’s a regular guy.

But the stop was another bust. Video from the visit showed that the only fans Biden had at the event were those in the media covering the campaign stop, and what made it even more hilarious is that Biden struggled to close his takeout box before ordering one of this handlers to take the box so he could order a milkshake.

What they were trying to respond to was Trump’s wildly entertaining and successful foray into a Chick-fil-A in a Black neighborhood in Atlanta last week. As Matt notes, the counterstrike was a massive failure. There’s video in his post that shows just how pathetic the trip was. No amount of editing can put lipstick on that pig. 

This happened in Philadelphia, mind you. Biden has a lot of living human supporters there, not just mail-in ballots that appear out of the ether in the middle of the night. It’s the bluest of blue cities. The slightest hint that the President of the United States — the one Philadelphia was integral in electing — should have been enough to draw a crowd that overflowed into the next block. 

Instead, the place looked like it was closed for repairs. 

Biden’s brain cell has already forgotten the incident, of course. His campaign higher-ups will be spending the weekend mainlining Prilosec though, wrestling with the reality that Joe-mentum is really no-mentum. 

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I’ve honestly been surprised that they’re leaning into their belief that the media narrative can prop up Biden and letting him out in public so often. I wouldn’t be surprised if this week hasn’t made them reconsider. We could soon see a reboot of the 2020 basement video strategy, albeit with a more well-appointed basement. Look for a lot more Kamala Harris and DOCTOR Mama Jill on the campaign trail soon. 

Not really an upgrade, is it?

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The Mailbag of Magnificence

I was just about to nuke the email addy for good since it gets spammed by so many earnest conservative types and I wasn’t getting that many emails from the readers. Sydney Sweeney saved it. I got a couple of emails yesterday. I’ll respond to those, as well as a few from the past month or so. I’ve missed this. 

We will begin the grand return of the Mailbag with this one from Cliff:

My grandfather was a founding father of Dearborn he had a service station at the corner of tireman  and Warren that sold the first model T.    my dad, grew up in Dearborn and was a member of the Dearborn police force for 25 years. He worked under Mayor Hubbard, but it has become breaks my heart.   My three brothers and my sister graduated from Fortson as did I and we have nothing to go back to.

Your dad must have been a cop when my mom and her sisters were all in high school. They were good Catholic school girls (Sacred Heart) though, and didn’t run afoul of the law. That was left to some of us in the next generation. 

Michael writes: 

For a while there, I was thinking that your Morning Briefing names were getting rather ridiculous. Then I started paying attention to the names of my Uber Eats drivers…

Thank you, Michael, for pointing me towards a new source of inspiration for the names. An expensive source, to be sure, but one I may have to resort to. I’m trying to shake up the Sine Qua Non Sequitur a bit. There will be more of the “hiatus” interludes like I’ve been doing this week. I think that making it a separate entity with its own activities has added a nice touch of extra weirdness. 

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This is from Friend of the Briefing Marni: 

Hello Mr. Kruiser,

The 99 Cents Only store at Thornydale & Oldfather was my go-to for travel accessories or if one of the kids produced a last-minute birthday party invitation. Truly sad that they’re closing.

I’m going to be testy when all the discount stores are gone and I have to pay full retail for Brillo pads and Windex. Dating is expensive.

David’s email gives me a chance to clear up something: 

Never heard of Sydney Sweeney, but with all the hoopla I googled her.  Yeah, she’s stunning, but you picked the worst photo of her you possibly could have found… She looks like a pouty, over made-up, spoiled brat in yours.  The other photos I found online show a fresh-faced, gorgeous colleen.

We’re a professional, for-profit media company, so we can’t just grab whatever pics we want off of the internet. We either use our own photos, as I do with my (Almost) Daily Distraction VIP column, or we use images that Townhall Media has paid AP for. If we don’t, we get sued. We have precisely two images of Sydney Sweeney in our AP Image library. Mr. Green had already used one for his column yesterday, so I used the other. Personally, I think Sydney Sweeney would look good if she were wearing a burlap sack, her face was smeared with mud, and it was all topped of with a Hot Dog on a Stick uniform hat. 

We’ll conclude with this gem from Mark:

I thought the left was anti-body shaming – maybe it’s because Ms. Sweeney has nothing to be ashamed about ;-}

Well played, Mark, well played indeed. Also, fact check: True. 

I’m glad we got to do this again. Keep writing and I’ll keep the email address alive. Otherwise, we’re moving to carrier pigeons. 

The Mailbag of Magnificence contributions can be sent to [email protected].

Everything Isn’t Awful

Except for the stuck-up one in the back. 

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SFK of the Day

After Not Shutting Up for 50 Years, Feminists Go Mute About Trans ‘Females’ in Women’s Sports

“Feminism in all of its forms has been telling women that they can be whatever they want to be. It’s a great message in theory but it’s never been true. High school girls can’t grow up to be defensive ends in the National Football League. The essential differences between male and female physiology have a 100% success rate of disrupting that dream. It’s not sexism, it’s biology. 

Of course, the Left has all but abandoned biology. I say ‘all but’ because I’m being generous. There may be a few on the Left who still aspire to be people who believe in real science.” 

We call them ‘future conservatives.'”

Shot of Vodka

Wait, WHO Wants to Join NATO?

“The reason I remind you of all this is because of Argentina’s awesome new libertarian-minded president, Javier Milei. He’s been in Boss Mode since he assumed office late last year, bringing inflation down almost at once (!), firing 70,000 government workers (!!), and balancing the country’s budget in one month (!!!).

Could we borrow Milei for a bit? Pretty please?”

PJ Media

Me. Trump Derangement Syndrome Meltdown of the Week—TDS Munchausen by Anonymous Source Edition

VodkaPundit. VIDEO: Loyola Law School Anti-Racism Fellow Goes on One Helluva Racist Rant

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Oops! Zhe Did it Again: Trans Wacko Planned Another School Shooting

Pinch Me, I’m Dreaming: Florida to Communism-Proof Schoolchildren

#MeToo. Death of Late Night: Colbert Doing Show From Chicago During DNC So He Can Fluff the Dems

VodkaPundit, Part Deux. Elon Musk Will Get Rid of the Twitter/X Pr0nBots With This 1 Weird Trick

Who Is Attacking American Infrastructure?

UK Police Arrest Man for ‘Hamas Is Terrorist’ Sign

Joe Biden Has All But Abandoned American Personnel in Niger

Native Tribal Leaders Ask Feds to Target Drug Cartels

Joe Biden Makes Staged Visit to a Wawa… And It Was Bad

Ban everything. ‘Pokémon Go’ Pushes Gender Ideology on Children With New App Update

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The Jury Is Nearly Set for Trump’s NYC Trial. Let the Rigging Begin.

Trevor Bauer’s False Accuser Is Facing Jail. Will ‘The Bachelor’s’ Accuser Be Next?

Furry Furor Erupts at a Utah Middle School

Trump Could Be Jailed for Speaking About His NYC Case Due to Judge’s ‘Unconstitutional’ Gag Order

THE SUN…IT BURNS! Crisis Incoming! Biden May Use Climate to Galvanize Voters

Well, Well, Well, Look Who Bailed Out ‘Death to America’ Road- Blockers

Biden Says His Uncle Was Eaten by Cannibals in WWII. The Military Begs to Differ.

EU Parliament Approves Migration Pact Despite Objections Over Compromises

Townhall Mothership

Watch This Purple-Haired Democrat Demand for More Ukraine Funding In Massive Rant

Watch Josh Hawley Expose DHS Secretary Mayorkas Over Release of Laken Riley’s Accused Killer

Cool. Ilhan Omar’s Daughter Arrested Amid Anti-Israel Protests

House Freedom Caucus Delivers Some Bad News for Speaker Johnson’s Foreign Aid Bills

Or educating kids. Tennessee Teacher Says Her Profession Can’t Be Trusted With Guns

Cam&Co. Gun Control Off the Table in New Mexico Special Session?

Maine Gun Owners (Mostly) Dodged Legislative Bullet

Marjorie Taylor Greene Says She Doesn’t Care If ‘Speaker’s Office Becomes a Revolving Door’

An Intellectually Bankrupt White House Resurrects the ‘Two-State Solution’ From the Trash Bin

NYPD Shuts Down Columbia Pro-Hamas ‘Encampment,’ and the Hysterical Crying Has Begun

Oh. Brian Stelter Concerned Pro-Trump Propaganda Media Will Publicize Jurors

Elon Musk Calls NPR CEO Katherine Maher ‘One of the Worst Human Beings in America’

Oh, Honey, NO: NPR Host DRAGGED for Trying to Passive-Aggressively Dunk on Uri Berliner for Resigning

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More video! Kruiser’s ‘Beyond the Briefing’—I’ve Voted for the Same Candidate for Decades

Experts Can Be Wrong. Hence They Shouldn’t Be Censors.

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What’s Old Is New Again, and Militias Are the New Black

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Celebrate Spring! Smash Your Smartphone.

Around the Interwebz

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Hmm…wonder what those are? Boeing says it will cut SLS workforce “due to external factors”

The World’s Most Remote Triathlon Requires Bananas and Rafts

Bee Me

Heaven help me, I clicked on a link about moisture-wicking socks last weekend.

The Kruiser Kabana

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Kabana Comedy/Tunes

This thing goes off the rails and it’s a lot of fun.

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