Colbert, Daily Show: Johnson’s is a Hypocritical Christian For Not Banning Seafood

News & Politics

CBS The Late Show Stephen Colbert and Comedy Central The Daily Show tempt host Charlamagne Tha God and correspondent Michael Kosta accused Speaker Mike Johnson on Monday of being a bad a hypocritical Christian because he doesn’t want to ban seafood or ostracize women during their menstrual cycles.

Colbert, whose definition of being a good Christian seems to revolve around left-wing economics dressed up as personal charity. After playing a clip of Johnson on Hannity saying his worldview can be found in the Bible, Colbert declared, “Well, okay. No, if, that’s great, if the Bible is his worldview on any issue, I don’t know why progressives are nervous. He’s clearly gonna ask the rich to sell all their possessions and give the money to the poor.”

As someone who professes to be a faithful Catholic, Colbert should be familiar with Romans 14:14, but he still insisted Johnson is a hypocrite for not wanting to implement Old Testament dietary laws, “And, like, being Biblically faithful is not easy for a guy from Louisiana because now he has to give up shrimp, crab, oysters, and barbecued pork.”

Over at The Daily Show, a sarcastic Kosta looked forward to a ban on seafood, “The Bible’s rules are timeless and always relevant. Like, right here, shellfish must be banned as detestable abomination. Great idea. The only good part of lobster was the butter anyway. We should just be drinking the hot butter. Or what about this: God tells Ezekiel to bake bread over a fire made of dry human dung.”

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Back on CBS, Colbert added, “And I’m sure he’ll miss his wife when she has to be cast out of town during her time of blood, only allowed to return when she brings two turtledoves to the tabernacle for the priest to sacrifice.”

Kosta also ironically looked forward to implementing such a policy, “The menstruating woman is unclean and the righteous man shall not approach her. Let’s try it, America!”

Colbert then played a clip of Johnson telling Hannity, “Jefferson clearly did not mean that metaphorical wall was to keep religion from influencing issues of civil government. To the contrary, it was meant to keep the federal government from impeding the religious practice of citizens. The Founders wanted to protect the church from an encroaching state, not the other way around.”

Johnson is correct, but the fact that Jefferson wrote a letter means that Colbert thought otherwise and suggested that if people do not want to become Christians, it will be Johnson’s fault:

Exactly correct. You can read all about it in Jefferson’s famous essay, ‘Yeah, I didn’t mean that.’ Obviously, obviously what he’s saying is a crazy interpretation of the separation of church and state. Jefferson used the wall metaphor because a wall is closed off to both sides. You don’t want politics in your church, but if you let church into your politics, you end up with guys like Mike Johnson representing the church to young people, and they’re gonna say ‘No thanks, Jesus,’ no matter how fun it is at youth pastor Ricky’s Leviticus karaoke night. 

As for Kosta and Charlamagne, the latter stated, “Actually, no, I don’t think he’s ever talked about any of these weird laws you’re talking about.”

Kosta added, “he wouldn’t just pick and choose the parts of the Bible he liked best. That would be hypocritical. Gosh, Charlamagne, for a guy named ‘Tha God,’ you don’t know a lot about Christianity. We can expect Mike Johnson to push for all these laws, and I can’t wait for 1 Samuel chapter 18, where David has to bring 200 foreskins to King Saul, as a dowry to marry the princess.”

Maybe one day the comedy shows will make jokes about things they actually understand, but Monday was not that day.

Here are transcript for the October 30 shows:

CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

10/30/2023

11:42 PM ET

STEPHEN COLBERT: Well, okay. No, if, that’s great, if the Bible is his worldview on any issue, I don’t know why progressives are nervous. He’s clearly gonna ask the rich to sell all their possessions and give the money to the poor and– good for him. Good for you! Good for you! And, like, being Biblically faithful is not easy for a guy from Louisiana because now he has to give up shrimp, crab, oysters, and barbecued pork. And I’m sure he’ll miss his wife when she has to be cast out of town during her time of blood, only allowed to return when she brings two turtledoves to the tabernacle for the priest to sacrifice. You know, issues. But, that, you know, pizza! But that Hannity interview wasn’t the first time Johnson advocated for his idea of a Christian government. This is him on the House floor six months ago. 

MIKE JOHNSON: Jefferson clearly did not mean that metaphorical wall was to keep religion from influencing issues of civil government. To the contrary, it was meant to keep the federal government from impeding the religious practice of citizens. The Founders wanted to protect the church from an encroaching state, not the other way around. 

COLBERT: Exactly correct. You can read all about it in Jefferson’s famous essay, ”Yeah, I didn’t mean that.” Obviously, obviously what he’s saying is a crazy interpretation of the separation of church and state. Jefferson used the wall metaphor because a wall is closed off to both sides. You don’t want politics in your church, but if you let church into your politics, you end up with guys like Mike Johnson representing the church to young people, and they’re gonna say ”No thanks, Jesus,” no matter how fun it is at youth pastor Ricky’s Leviticus karaoke night. 

Now, one big way Johnson wants to slip a little church tongue in your state-hole, taking rights away from gay people. When the Supreme Court struck down anti-sodomy laws on privacy grounds, Johnson wrote, “By closing those bedroom doors, they have opened a Pandora’s box.” Now, not to nitpick, Mike. But if there’s one thing we know about gay men, they’re not that interested in Pandora’s box. 

***

Comedy Central The Daily Show

10/30/2023

10/30/2023

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD: Now Michael, what do you think of the new speaker being such a Bible believer? 

MICHAEL KOSTA: Oh, it’s great news, Charlamagne. Until now, the house has been a dysfunctional mess of gridlock and infighting. But when you introduce religion into a conflict, it gets fixed right away. 

CHARLAMAGNE: But what if Mike Johnson tries to force his religious beliefs into law? 

KOSTA: Well, would that be so bad? The Bible’s rules are timeless and always relevant. Like, right here, shellfish must be banned as detestable abomination. Great idea. The only good part of lobster was the butter anyway. We should just be drinking the hot butter. Or what about this: God tells Ezekiel to bake bread over a fire made of dry human dung. Yeah, poop. Okay, that could be the clean energy America needs! Well, not that clean, but renewable! And, you know, after a tummy full of hot butter, I’m basically a power plant. Well, how about this? How about this? The menstruating woman is unclean and the righteous man shall not approach her. Let’s try it, America! 

CHARLAMAGNE: Michael, come on, seriously? Shunning women from society during their menstrual cycles sounds backward as hell. 

KOSTA: Calm down, it’s just during their period. That’s like, what, 20, 30 minutes? It’ll be done with respect. And I’m sure Mike Johnson has talked all about these Bible-based policies already. 

CHARLAMAGNE: Actually, no, I don’t think he’s ever talked about any of these weird laws you’re talking about. 

KOSTA: Come on, man, Mike Johnson, you’re telling me– he wouldn’t just pick and choose the parts of the Bible he liked best. That would be hypocritical. Gosh, Charlamagne, for a guy named “Tha God,” you don’t know a lot about Christianity. We can expect Mike Johnson to push for all these laws, and I can’t wait for 1 Samuel chapter 18, where David has to bring 200 foreskins to King Saul, as a dowry to marry the princess.   

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