Great news: The Peloton wife is safe, she’s leaving her husband, and she’s drunk as hell


I don’t want to dwell on my own humble role in driving the national narrative that the Peloton ad is actually a searing drama about a domineering man and his traumatized wife.

I just think it’d be nice if each of you individually thanked me for having made this new ad possible.

Confession: I didn’t recognize her at first when this went live last night, without that familiar look of inexplicable anxiety on her face.

The reason she seems dazed and distant at the start of the ad is because she hears his voice in her head even now: “You know how many calories are in gin, right?”

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She remembers what happened the last time he caught her sneaking a cookie between Peloton sessions. Two days locked in the basement.

Needless to say, this is a brilliant bit of creative exploitation of another company’s viral misery. It’s so clever in leveraging what’s essentially a giant Internet in-joke that I want to call it trailblazing, with more mischievous crossovers now destined to happen in the future whenever some terrible ad gets a lot of unwanted attention online. I wonder how much of a role Ryan Reynolds had personally in pulling it together. He didn’t tweet the clip out last night just because he enjoyed it; he owns part of Aviation Gin. If you want to write, cast, film, edit, and finish an ad in the span of 72 hours or so, having an A-lister around to pull strings must be helpful.

No reason to stop here either. A gun company could do an ad with her at the range shooting with a friend:

“Is this the, uh, same gun you used on–”
*bang* “Yep.”
“Cool. Cool.”

Imagine a Peloton wife ad multiverse across 10 different brands tracing her path to freedom. In the final ad she’s on trial for his murder because he reacted … badly to their break-up, of course. She’s nervously sipping a White Claw at the defense table when the jury comes in. Verdict: Not guilty, says the foreman, because “ain’t no laws when you’re drinking Claws.”

Dynamite. I’m willing to write the whole series for a modest fee.

The Aviation ad is titled “The Gift That Doesn’t Give Back,” by the way, a direct reply to the title of the Peloton ad. At the rate she’s drinking in the clip, I feel like this gift actually might give back before the night’s over.

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